Tag: Sleep and arousal regulation

By: Dave Anderson, PhD

By: Dave Anderson, PhD

Vice President, Public Engagement and Education; Senior Psychologist, ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center Read More

A child psychologist on Grand Theft Auto VI, aggression, meltdowns, and how to keep gaming in balance

Parents are also wondering when gaming becomes a problem, what to do about meltdowns when it’s time to stop, and how to handle games that eat into sleep and schoolwork. Here are my answers to nine of the questions we received, starting with Grand Theft Auto VI.

Like earlier games in the series, GTA 6 involves committing acts of violence and robbery, a lot of swearing, and characters who draw players into all kinds of actions that would be crimes in real life. But it’s also a world that can be genuinely fascinating to explore and figure out.

There are a few ways to approach your child’s request. First, check the rating. GTA 6 is rated M for Mature (17+), and in some other countries it’s rated even higher. This is highly adult content.

Second, consider your child’s maturity level. Some 13-year-olds have already been exposed to this kind of content and handle it well, meaning it doesn’t seem to affect their behavior, their language, how they treat their peers, or basic habits like sleep and homework.

Other 13-year-olds may be more vulnerable. A child with ADHD, for example, may already struggle with executive functioning, time management, or stopping something they enjoy to do homework or go to sleep — playing video games may make those challenges worse. But these are concerns with any game a child engages with, whatever its content.

A child who already struggles with impulsiveness, verbal or physical aggression toward peers, or foul language may also be more vulnerable. We probably don’t want that child repeatedly practicing similar behavior through the game.

If you look at this content and decide it isn’t right for your 13-year-old, that’s a sound decision. And if you know your child well and feel they can handle it, you don’t need to feel guilty about that either.

Parents have worried about violent video games encouraging kids to commit violence since the 1990s. Such a link is not supported by research.

But aggression is different from violence. A more developed body of research suggests that violent games may make kids who are already prone to impulsivity or aggression — such as verbal aggression, bullying, or physical aggression — more aggressive. Playing violent video games can also allow people to “rehearse” aggressive thoughts and acts, and some experimental research suggests this can translate to more aggressive thinking or behavior, especially when kids play a lot or play with friends.

But keep in mind: There are more powerful factors that can influence a child’s behavior. The effect of violent video games is small in relation to the quality of the parent-child relationship, whether a child has been exposed to violence or trauma at home, and how closely parents keep track of where their teens are and who they spend time with.

So, here’s the short answer: When it comes to violent acts, the research doesn’t support a link. When it comes to aggressive thoughts and a slightly higher chance of aggressive behavior, there is some evidence. And there are many real-world factors in a child’s life that matter more than the games they play.

As a psychologist, I generally advise parents not to be the most permissive parent in their child’s friend group, but not to be the strictest, either. It’s best to aim for somewhere in the middle. The research on parenting points the same way. The goal is to lead with support and add structure when kids need it.

You may not think your child is ready for this content. You may worry it could make a mental health challenge worse, or your child may already be prone to aggressive speech or teasing that borders on bullying. Those are all good reasons not to let them practice those things in their free time, and you can feel confident holding that boundary. You might say: “Sometimes I’ll be in line with your friends’ parents, and sometimes I won’t. I love you, and I want to help you experience lots of other things in life.”

You can also try a middle path with conditions attached: Your child can only play the game in a shared space where you can see and hear what’s going on. They can explain the game to you, and you can keep an eye on their behavior outside the game, putting more limits if you see any concerning changes. But be clear with your child about what you’re worried about and what would lead you to step in. Gaming that starts cutting into sleep or schoolwork, for example, is a clear signal to set a limit.

Lots of kids watch streamers play the games they like on YouTube or Discord or watch short-form clips on social media. For a child who isn’t allowed to play a popular game, watching can be a way to understand it and stay in the conversation with friends.

Still, it’s reasonable to be cautious. Research is still emerging on how short-form video affects kids’ attention — and an algorithm may keep feeding them more violent content. So, you might nudge your child away from short clips and toward longer videos that follow a story.

It can help to know what they’re watching. Is the channel about the graphics and gameplay? Is it about glorifying violent acts? Or is it about how a team works together to complete a quest? You might start by watching together and let your child watch on their own once you’ve approved the content, or only when you’re around to keep an eye on it.

Age matters here, too. For kids in middle school or younger, I’d monitor more closely — any site where they watch gaming videos will probably serve up more content with similar themes. With an older teen watching on their own device, it’s reasonable to say, something like, “Help me understand why this is valuable to you. Let’s watch some together, and then I’ll trust you to watch on your own.”

Almost everyone focuses better on something they enjoy than on something they don’t. It’s why so many of us procrastinate, scrolling social media or knocking out small, easy tasks instead of the one big thing we need to do. Kids are no different.

We want to teach kids how to sequence and prioritize tasks, how to bring their focus to something even when it isn’t the most interesting option, and how to build persistence. (My recent Thriving Kids episode with Julia Leonard, PhD, goes deeper on persistence.)

A helpful first step is bundling. If you’re going to allow your child to play video games, make sure it comes after homework. Your child shows you evidence that their homework is finished, and then they get access to games, whether that’s up until dinner, bath time, or getting ready for bed. They can also earn more time by getting down to work sooner. If you aren’t home in the afternoon, gaming can start once you get home.

Problematic gaming — excessive gaming at the cost of one’s well-being — follows a recognizable pattern. A child plays for very long stretches, more and more over time, and becomes increasingly distressed when they have to stop. Gaming starts to crowd out the things that matter for their development: schoolwork, real-life friendships, sleep, even eating properly.

Problematic gaming rarely happens on its own. Often a child has a co-occurring mental health condition. A child who is depressed may withdraw from activities and friends and find comfort and distraction in gaming, which then reinforces their depression. A child who struggles to make friends may find it easier to connect with people online and retreat into the digital world, making it harder to make friends in real life. A child with attention challenges may find it harder to put the brakes on fun and novel activities to do something less rewarding.

So yes, some kids are more vulnerable. But there are effective treatments both for the underlying conditions and for setting boundaries around gaming. For some kids, that means enforcing a break from gaming — for a short time or a longer one — because they can’t yet put on the brakes on gaming themselves. For others, it may mean moderation, with conditions in place to make sure their other responsibilities get done.

A meltdown at the end of gaming time can be a sign of problematic gaming, but on its own it’s just one indicator among several. It’s actually very common, especially for younger kids, to have a meltdown when they’re asked to stop something they enjoy and to do something less fun, like come to dinner, start homework, take a bath, or go to bed.

So, think of this as a lesson in emotion regulation, a set of skills kids learn in stages.

The first step to helping kids self-regulate is modeling. How do you regulate your own emotions, and do you talk about it out loud? Do you take deep breaths, step away for a break, reach out to someone, or do something distracting for a moment to reset?

The second step is reinforcement. How do you respond when your child does calm down? Do you give them positive feedback? Can they earn an activity or a special privilege when they practice these skills?

The third step is teaching these skills directly. Does your child know what emotion regulation looks like? (You can learn more about how to teach emotion regulation skills to kids of any age through the free resources, including short videos, that we have here.)

Finally, when your child does melt down, can you sit with their big feelings? As long as they aren’t screaming at you, refusing to go to bed, or getting physically aggressive, you can calmly acknowledge it by saying something like, “I know it’s hard to stop playing, but it’s time to get ready for bed.”

When that isn’t enough, a consequence can help. Tell your child that their gaming time depends on their ability to stop calmly. For example, a child who gets 30 minutes of gaming at night and melts down when it ends might lose 10 of those minutes the next day. Just make sure consequences, when needed, are applied consistently.

Many parents’ first instinct is simply to take the game away. That is an option, and you may need to use it. But try this process first — it can build skills that help with almost anything you’re trying to teach your child.

Much of life runs on a kind of social contract. When you get your responsibilities done, finish your homework, treat your sister kindly, and speak respectfully to your parents, you have access to certain privileges. For younger kids, that might be a favorite activity or dessert. As kids get older, it might be an allowance. For teenagers, it might be their social life, their curfew, rides, or a little money for meals out with friends. And in the working world, meeting your responsibilities is how you earn your salary.

That doesn’t mean every privilege has to depend on chores, homework, and good behavior. Systems like this take energy to run, so save them for when your child really needs to build a skill and fade them back as that need lessens. A child who does the dishes now and then, picks up their room, does their homework, and keeps safe hands around their sister may not need their 30 minutes of gaming tied to any of it. You can simply give them a set amount of gaming time each day.

When you are seeing problems with contributions at home, effort at school, or behavior, video games can absolutely be made contingent on those things.

Sleep, school, and friendships are core areas of a child’s wellness and development.

Whenever parents ask about screens, video games, or phones, I go through a checklist. Think about your child’s diet and hydration, physical activity, sleep, mood, friendships online and off, investment in school and homework, and whether they take part in at least one extracurricular activity or hobby. We also want to think about their relationships with parents and friends, and whether they have a supportive adult in their life.

These are the building blocks of a child’s wellness. When a child’s screen time is in balance with them there is less cause for concern.

When gaming cuts into sleep, set a time when screens end, and keep all devices out of your child’s room at bedtime.

When schoolwork is slipping, structure the afternoon so homework comes before gaming.

When you’re worried about extracurriculars or time with friends in real life, look for ways to restore that balance. You can remove games for a short or long period if you need to. Kids don’t need games to live.

At the same time, we don’t want to dismiss kids’ interests or tell them gaming is terrible. You can say: “This is your interest, and I want to support you in it. I also want to support your wellness as a whole.”

Sometimes restoring that balance is still really hard. It may lead to a lot of conflict, big fights, or your child becoming more aggressive or disrespectful. That’s the time to reach out for help, perhaps with a school counselor or therapist.

This blog post is adapted from the Thriving Kids episode “Can Video Games Influence Children and Teen Behavior?” Listen on Apple Podcasts, watch on YouTube, or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Have a question for a future episode? Email podcast@childmind.org.

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