What you’re describing sounds really overwhelming. I’m glad you reached out. The fears you mention — being scared of doing something against your will, worrying you might not have control, and feeling intensely concerned about being judged — are patterns I often see in people with anxiety and, sometimes, people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). A hallmark of OCD is a deep doubt about control: the fear that you might act in a way that goes against your values, even though you don’t want to. These kinds of fears are called intrusive thoughts. While intrusive thoughts can feel very real and frightening, they are not things you actually intend to do or predictions of things that you will do — they’re unwanted experiences that don’t define you.
Avoiding sports and other things for fear of being judged is also a symptom of anxiety. I can understand how hard it is to tell your family what you’re going through, especially if you have felt ignored in the past. At the same time, your pain deserves to be heard and taken seriously. I encourage you to try talking to your parents again, but if you truly feel like you can’t, consider telling one safe person — whether that’s another family member, a school counselor, or even a teacher you trust. You can write how you’re feeling in a note if speaking feels too hard.
The physical symptoms you mentioned — neck and shoulder pain, fidgeting — are also common in anxiety because our bodies can hold tension when our brains are on high alert. What this likely means is that your brain is caught in a fear loop, constantly scanning for danger around control and judgment.
The good news is that this is very treatable. A mental health professional may recommend a type of cognitive behavioral therapy called exposure and response prevention (ERP). ERP helps you gradually face the situations or thoughts you fear instead of looking for reassurance from someone else or avoiding those situations or thoughts altogether. Over time, ERP teaches your brain that thoughts are just thoughts, not actions, and that you can tolerate uncertainty without something bad happening.
For now, you might try gently labeling upsetting thoughts as anxiety, not facts, and practicing not accepting them as true when they show up. Taking small steps toward what you’ve been avoiding can help you rebuild your confidence, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
While you can practice managing anxiety or intrusive thoughts on your own, it’s better to have help. Once you talk to someone you know and trust, have them help you reach out to a mental health professional who can provide a more thorough assessment and the appropriate treatment for you. You don’t have to go through this alone, and with the right support, this can get much better.
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